Mundane Tuesday.

  I never thought that I would actually say this, but yes, I am going to say it.
  I. Am. Bored.
  Now, for someone like me, who usually have something productive to do up on my sleeve, who would even thought that I'd actually get bored? But it's true! So true that I am saying it now! My fingers are itching for something to write, either for the third book of my novel, or my Fan Fictions. But I kept telling myself that I'm on my damn break. Still, I always thought that taking a break would mean that I'll finally feel relieved from all the things that I've been doing, but then again, all I can feel now is boredom, and an urge of desire to do something creative.
   Today, I just finished reading The Vampire Diaries - The Return: Shadow Souls. It took me over a week to actually finish it. I started last Tuesday, and I ended it today, Tuesday. And now, I have nothing left to do. I'm a working machine. All I do is work on something that I want to work on, and usually - not going to deny it - I bail on my studies. *laughs* Yes, also true. I guess I'm not just used to not doing anything at all.

   But then, I told myself that I am going to study for my Reconsideration Test and other entrance exams to different schools. Though, I thought it'd be too early to study, and then forget it all too soon. I cannot afford for that to happen. I want to be prepared, but not overly prepared. You know what I mean? Studying isn't really an easy task. What if I get mental blocked right on the day of the exams? And I find myself getting to that situation every now and then. So yes, I shall review in mid-February.
   For now, I'll keep myself intact. Get a hold of myself to plan for the stories that I'll be doing. And gather up tons of inspirations. And maybe even stop doubting my capabilities, since I am having second thoughts whether I should really take the Reconsideration Test to DLSU (le dream school). It's like I don't have my heart set on it, at all. Why? Well, it's because I have accepted the cold hard truth, and now I don't really know whether I should take that test. A part of me says yes, because it's the last chance that I can get in, and another part of me says no, because what if I don't pass and fate just comes in, taking me to my true destination? What if I just wasted three hours on it and couldn't possibly answer anything on it?
   What if...
   Sigh.
   And this is why I should definitely stop doubting my capabilities. If I hate it when people underestimate my capabilities, then I might as well stop underestimating myself either. But then, I do have my own limitations right? Argh... Scratch that. No doubting. No underestimating. Just believing. Believing in myself, believing that if I put my heart and mind to it, I'll succeed. And there's certainly one thing that I am not, and that's a quitter. 
   So what do you think? Should I take the Reconsideration Test or just accept the fact that I'm not destined to be there at all?


- M

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