The Unfortunate.

Audrey in "Love in the Afternoon" - audrey-hepburn
(Audrey Hepburn with Gary Cooper in Love in the Afternoon)
Audrey Hepburn
"I'll be fine. I'm susceptible." - Audrey Hepburn 
     Those were the words that Audrey Hepburn had said in her movie, "Love in the Afternoon." And I've said that quote dozens of times already for today. Today was the day - as I have said from my previous post. The day where I know where to go in the future. The day where my hopes and dreams might finally come true.
   Scratch that last sentence.

   This day couldn't get any worse. This morning, at school, our class was called to the Principal's Office to talk about the Junior-Senior Promenade, which we have every year. And ever since classes resumed from the holiday vacation, they confirmed that we'll have a Prom. Truthfully, most of us didn't want to go, and it had been an issue ever since. So our principal talked to us about it, and told us last Friday, for those who didn't want to come - mostly senior students, aka. us - that she won't force us, but just try to talk to our parents and et cetera. And so right after she talked to us, we still decided not to go no matter what the circumstances are. Even if we talk to our parents - our decision will be their decision too.
   So today, our principal called us again to talk about it. And she asked who were coming or not, and if the people who have partners are sure. The thing is, not everyone in that list, the "with partners" list are all sure. Some of them didn't really want to go, and they were just asked by someone if they can be their partner and all. When the principal asked, and they told the truth that they weren't sure, or were not coming, she was getting pissed and that she was forcing them to finally say yes - even though they didn't really want to go. It was absolutely annoying. She was telling those who aren't coming that their reasons were unreasonable, and that they were just having an attitude problem, and et cetera. And then, when we - the people who aren't coming - were dismissed back to our classroom, and the ones who were going - with the ones who were forced to finally go - were left to stay. She then said to them that the people who aren't coming are having an attitude problem and that the Prom was a school activity, and therefore it is graded.
   She's seriously telling us that the Prom is a school activity and that it's graded? Yeah, sure it is a school activity but it's not mandatory. If it is really a school activity, we wouldn't have to pay for it, and that everyone should go because it is not only a school activity - which is free, but it is graded because we have lessons to learn from major and minor subjects too. Plus, if it really is a school activity, she wouldn't make threats that our grades would get affected at all. Why can't she just respect our opinions? You know? We've got our own minds, we can make our own decisions. Hell, nobody's stopping them if they want to go to Prom, why try to stop us from deciding for our own selves? It's absolutely irritating. Not to mention, disappointing for all those people who were forced to finally say yes just because of our principal's ways of talking and forcing them without giving them a chance to even finish explaining.
   I told the people who are still not going but are thinking of going because of the threats she had made, that if they're even thinking of the other option, just brush it off and stick to what they have already said. If they ended up going, they'll give her exactly what she wants them to do, and that means, they lose. If they're even that threatened by that grade thing, it won't define them as who they are. It'll only define her as who she is, how wicked and manipulative she is as a human being.

   Moving on...
   The other thing why my day was even worse was that my hopes and dreams finally shattered into millions of tiny pieces and were blown away by the wind, lost forever. I didn't sleep well last night. I was so nervous that when I got home, I felt myself breathing and telling myself that quote that Audrey Hepburn had said. I was tweeting before I even opened the site. I was telling myself to get it together and just get on with it. So I held my breath as I opened the site, let it load, entered my test permit number, closed my eyes, opened them and there it was.
   My heart sank. I felt it sink right down my stomach as it missed a beat. My hands were cold, and then I saw it. I saw the results. And then I just stared at it. Silence dawned within me. As my head started saying these words slowly, "I... didn't... pass...."
   A few more moments passed, silence was still within me. I didn't know what to say. I was very speechless. Until it finally sank in. I didn't pass. I didn't pass and I won't go to my dream college to attain my goals. All hope was gone. I was trying to get myself together because I know I needed to tell my mother and family. So, I did. I kept myself together, well intact, and told them like everything was okay, like it didn't matter, like it was nothing, and I was just cool with it. After a few more silent and dreadful moments, it finally died down a bit, and it was very strange. I was still holding my tears, in fact it was already gone. I found it surprising because I didn't know I can hold it together that long.
   I found myself having the same situation as from my favorite TV Show, Gossip Girl. My favorite character was Blair Waldorf, and we're very much alike - except with the whole scandalous, and manipulative ways, of hers, of course. Blair didn't pass her dream college, Yale, as well in the TV Show. I know that we're very much alike but I didn't expect that I'd end up just like her as well... Here's a photo of her and her best friend, Serena, in New Haven.
(Blair and Serena in Gossip Girl Season 2, New Haven Can Wait)
   After contemplating... Finally, it sank down again. And I found myself sad and disappointed. I know for myself too, that my mother was disappointed. If she was disappointed, I'm even more disappointed in myself either. And I do admit, that I keep saying to myself that I'm always the unfortunate one. Funny how the title of this post is one of the titles from my The Vampire Diaries FanFiction. But I just don't understand, really. I worked so hard. What more should I possibly do? Am I not good enough? 
   Those are the words that I keep on telling myself.... 

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