Where Am I?

   It's finally March. In just a few short weeks, I will be saying goodbye to my Alma Mater in which is the school I grew up in, where I have shared the experiences of grief, loss, pain, sadness, victories and happiness. It is also where I was molded into the person I am today. And yes, I had absolutely no remorse about anything that has happened to me. I wouldn't change anything back. True enough that all my four years in High School, I have dreaded that fact with the pains that the people at school had caused me, and it had made me feel that I very much wanted to graduate High School and finally go to College since I was a Sophomore. Yet, this year, it all seems as if I was in a juxtaposition, especially by the fact that right now, I had no future, and I am only holding on to the realities of the present. As if I was clutching for my dear present life.
   In a matter of weeks, this will all be over with. And there, I shall tell you that I have concluded over the weekend, that I will no longer take the Reconsideration Test on Sunday to my dream school. Truthfully, I don't know if it was my dream school. Maybe I have only jumped into conclusions or my thoughts since I very much wanted to follow my sister's footsteps (when it came to going to schools that I think were the best and not with life because I choose to live for myself and not for anybody else) yet, I do wonder now if following my sister's footsteps was the right path. Seeing things now with her and her life, the quality education that she had was all thrown away like dusts in the wind - irrelevant, yet t'was worth more than prosperity. Though, she is happy right now, despite all the things that went down. She was able to make it through the bumpy rides of the risks she took.
   And here I am. This was where I came in. I vowed not to become like her or anybody else. But, with wanting myself to follow the footsteps, to live the dreams I have that my sister lived in (the schools she went to), does that vow still remains to exist? With that question, I answered no. If I vowed such thing, I wouldn't have followed her footsteps at all, right? But then, since I have failed trying to take the path she took, I still do think that my vow still exists. I had a wake up call. This realization was something I had been anticipating for such a long time and it did take me some time to do so. Take the photo below as an example of my wake up call.
(Just click to view larger)
   Really, this Facebook Application just comes in with a huge impact. Not to mention, the messages tend to be perfectly in sync with the time or day that I needed help with. And today, this message surprised me. Could this be a message from dear H-I-M since I had been calling Him, and had been thinking endlessly what I should finally decide on? Could it be that He had finally come to help me by giving me signals that I had been too blind or too deaf to even notice before? 
   I'll take that as a yes...
   Like it or not, this was a wake up call. And I do cherish it, not to mention grateful for it. I need to take my own path. Not follow my sister's or anybody else's. I need to make my own decisions. My sister decided all on her own! And sure, she might've had a few two cents from my mother or from friends of hers, but it was all her decision. All her thoughts and ideas. And I am not saying that I should be like her on that aspect, but what I am saying is, no, what I am asking is, where am I? I've always said that I have grown to be completely independent, ruthless on making decisions, not listening to anyone about things that I want to do. And where is that? Where is that part of me now? I am completely and utterly frustrated at myself. Ever since the results came from my dream College I have been nothing but a mess. A mess of thoughts, ideas, decisions... A mess of my own self. And where will that lead me? Nowhere. 
   Nowhere at all.
   Thus, this is why I need to get back into the game. MY game and nobody else's.

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