Til' I know the riot's gone away...

   I have this certain bitter taste in my mouth that I cannot seem to completely fathom.
   For just a brief moment, I had been happy, and yet, as much as I want that to last, that happy feeling deflated. There are reasons to be happy, like the fact that a few days ago, I could barely sleep that night because I was contemplating whether I should give up or not. But after a day of contemplating (because I continued on as I woke up the next day - which was yesterday), I knew oh so perfectly well that I'm not a quitter. On who or what exactly? Well, let's just say that it's for a special person - a friend in fact. And I am glad that yesterday, I got to finally place my emotions and got to finally fix the creases. The other reason why I should be happy is the fact that I just finished reading a book by one of my favorite authors, Anna Godbersen, and her book called "Beautiful Days" which is the second book of "Bright Young Things." The book itself was such a delight, and I am looking forward on having the next book of the series...
   But then, why do I feel this way?
   Truly, I cannot put a finger on it. Maybe because I have a feeling that sometimes life could be unfair. Maybe because I am seething with the fact that I may not continue with school because of our financial difficulties. Maybe because I feel as if a certain someone who I deeply care about is indifferent about certain matters. Maybe because I don't think it's a win-win and the fact that I feel as if I am losing. Maybe because I am afraid that I'd end up like them. Maybe because I don't know what's going to happen next or what my fate will be. Maybe because I don't know what to do, or even what to feel. Those are the "maybes" that are making this huge blob of an emotion. It is whether I am sad, disappointed, infuriated, or even happy - they make up the whole swirling emotions. And we all know that once things get confusing, people - despite the other emotions - feel furious.
   Which is what is happening to me right now.
   Yet, it doesn't matter anymore, I'm afraid. I am close to accepting those maybes. As always, my fingers will try to touch the Great Unknown's hands and reach for it as I keep my hopes up. For now, I shall tell you that for you to fully understand how I feel, maybe a song can express it for me. So here is Santigold's song called "The Riot's Gone" - which is where I got the title of this post from - from her new album, "Master of Make-Believe." I hope this might help... ;)

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