Alive and Restless - How Soon Is Now?

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Alive and Restless

    It's 1:30 in the morning.
    Is it a surprise that I'm still up? Well, I guess not. It is somewhat strange though, that this happens most of the time. Like the fact that when the lights are turned off and I'm ready to drift to sleep, somehow my eyes are opened wide, staring at those closed windows as my thoughts were the ones that drifted someplace else. I have no problems with sleep (sort of) since my eyes seem to scream "Go to sleep!!" all the time, but my mind somehow does not comply. It travels and goes berserk most of the time. It's frustrating, really. Sometimes I even give myself a good smack on my forehead in the middle of the night out of sheer frustration. And technically, for me, three in the morning is still nighttime since the sun hasn't come up yet.
   But the truth is, I'm not writing because my mind is drifting someplace else and is going berserk at the moment. I'm writing because I need an outlet with the fact that I have been feeling quite irritable and fidgety - only I'm not moving - lately! It irks me. And I know that earlier today I have felt the same way, only because I couldn't seem to think of good ideas for the next chapter of my fan fiction, but now I just don't know. Part of my thoughts seem to say that I should just stop thinking, take a deep breath and put it all to rest because maybe that's what I badly need. Rest. Another part of my thoughts seem to say though, that I should write. I should use my outlet to satisfy my nerves and get the rest that I truly deserve.
    Now, I can't help but think about that poem I've written a year ago as I sit here in the darkness with the sound of the crisp breeze and the crackling of the leaves outside. The last line of the poem said, "I'm alive and restless." Then, perhaps it is true. Maybe I am alive and restless in the sense that I am awake every single damn night like this - if I am making any sense.
    Ah, but what do I know? I mean, I am already rambling here when two o'clock finally struck. And for all I know, I may already have insomnia...
    Meh. Good night-slash-morning!
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