No New Tale To Tell - How Soon Is Now?

Friday, May 10, 2013

No New Tale To Tell

   Isn't it quite ironic that we feel as if our life isn't changing and we go on, but when we look back, we realize that so much has changed? Well, I guess that's just how it is. As much as I keep on saying that my life is stale and dull, as if uneventful things happen, I must say that it isn't. Probably not as eventful as others' lives might be, but definitely not as uneventful as I seem to indicate.
   These past few months everything has been rather slow, and yet, some things happened within the snap of my fingers. It was that quick. Different things happened but it felt as if they weren't all that different. Yet, they were the good kind of different. Perhaps because of my neutrality these past few months that I had grown accustomed to it. Nevertheless, those events cannot be ignored. It's part of the journey. And although I really don't know where I am heading at the moment, perhaps this "break" I had has its own purpose, in which I prepare myself for whatever holds out for me in the future. Sure, uncertainty seems to irk me most of the time, but perhaps it's not all too bad. I mean, we cannot really be certain most of the time because change is inevitable.
   And speaking of change, I have too. I have learned, grown, have different perspective, and have remained neutral. But this change that I have felt or understood somehow makes me think that I am losing parts of myself that made me who I am. Maybe it's the neutrality, or maybe it's just how I think about it. Whatever it was, I felt the need to look back and find myself again. Through all these whirling uncertainties and doubts, it's as if I was lost but I'm here in one place all along.
   Could it be just me, though? I mean, maybe I'm just over-analyzing things again just because I have too much time to think nowadays? Or maybe my neutrality makes me reminisce when I was this overly dramatic teenage girl who felt things too sensitively, just because I feel as if I am numb right now? I probably still am that girl at some point or another, especially the part where I still over-analyze things; and in those days I wanted to feel numb too. But I guess now that I feel that, it doesn't have that much appeal to me as I thought it would. And no, I am not, y'know, entirely numb in which case I don't feel any sort of feeling whatsoever, but I seem to think I feel that way. And the thing is I can't really describe it thoroughly at all. How frustrating is that?
   Maybe I should just stop trying to describe it, stop trying to understand more of it when I already do. This strange feeling of mine will pass soon enough. Just as long as I keep myself on track and do what I love to do, I'll somehow find myself again. I am definitely experiencing teenage identity crisis - sort of - just kidding! ;P I mean, it’s not that I’m really lost or whatever, I guess I just need something new to replenish the soul… *shrugs*

P.S. The title of this post is from a song with the same title by the band Love And Rockets. It's an awesome song, definitely one of my all-time favorites. ;) 

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