Juxtaposition


    It has been a while since I've posted a decent personal post. Believe me, I've trying to think of something to write but somehow, I couldn't think of anything. It's not that my life's uneventful, it's just that I couldn't seem to find a certain topic to talk about. Until now, of course, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this. Still, I hope you bear with me as I try to unravel my feelings onto this. In fact, I'm trying to channel it out deep from the depths of my soul just so I could actually write a decent post because lately, I've been brushing things off, or at least I try to.
   The thing is, I have been frustrated with myself these past few weeks for various reasons. I admit that things hadn't been so easy for me. In fact, it's as if life continues to slap me across the face. And aside from feeling frustrated with myself, I was craving for something new - something to replenish my dying soul. I want to do so many things and yet I somehow couldn't do them, and that adds to my frustrations. Yet, I somehow doubt myself and think, what if I wasn't good at it? I know that I will be going out of my comfort zone when I try to do those things, and somehow, I want to crawl back to this tiny hole as if the world was going to bite me. I couldn't help but wonder, whatever happened to my boldness and confidence? It's as if staying at home had depleted them and turned me into this afraid little girl. And that definitely made me frustrated because I was in a juxtaposition. I craved for something new, something exciting by doing something exciting for me, and yet, I didn't want to go out of my comfort zone. It's absolutely irrational and quite foolish because if you think about it, doing new things could definitely take you out of your comfort zone since it challenges you and it helps you learn.
   And I know that.
   But somehow that's what I felt. And the people I have talked to seemed to say that I should just figure out what I want, but the thing is, I know what I want. I always have. I know what I want to do, it's just that that's what I have been feeling, and it's refraining me from doing so. I'm basically building these walls around me, confining myself in them, and still, I want to go out of it but I couldn't seem to. See how confusing it is? I mean, even I am confused with myself. And I am definitely trying my best to explain it clearly.
   You see, I know that the problem is with me. I'm the one who feel those things, and I know that I should just take a leap and take the step forward. Nobody's stopping me but me. Perhaps what Dane said was true, I really just need to adapt to a new environment if ever I finally take that first step. I need to be motivated. And who can motivate me other than me? Right? I guess writing this made me realize things other than what I have realized above. Sure, my confidence seemed to have depleted at some point or another, but I need to do things to restore it.
   To make me feel like my old self again.
   And to finally take the leap.
 

   P.S. See how Blair's GIF was a juxtaposition to this post other than my frustrated feelings? ;P

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