Lions In Cages - How Soon Is Now?

Monday, June 16, 2014

Lions In Cages

    I've been having the most interesting few weeks ever. 
    Well, not really. But it does sort of feel that way, probably because I enjoy it more now that I'm getting back into the whole rhythm of this again. Perhaps you're wondering what the hell I'm talking about? Yup. I knew you were. Or maybe because you've just stumbled on this blog, and now you cannot help but be stuck with continuing to read this since you've made it through the end of this paragraph. Either way, you have no other choice now. You're stuck with me. Haha! Okay, I'm kidding. But seriously though, just let me get through a more decent personal post now... ;P
    So I was engaged in this conversation with a person I never thought I'd be having a conversation with that day, basically because we haven't talked in so long. And that we've only managed to fix the creases not until recently - like a few months ago. During that said conversation, I was asked what made me happy, and what my very definition of "happy" was. I was dumbfounded, because I wasn't having such a good week then, and that - me out in a conversation just like that - was the only thing that made my week interesting and fun. I changed the conversation by slightly ignoring the question - because I needed more time to think of a decent answer - and went back to telling a story - slash - ranting about what made my week so horrid. Okay, I'm exaggerating, it wasn't that horrid, but it was nearly there... Sort of, because I was so frustrated. Still, when I was asked again, which was clear that I just couldn't get out of the question even if I tried, and I knew that so apparently, I had no choice but to face the music. I just stared for a while, before I shrugged and admitted the fact that I didn't know.
    With that, it got me into thinking - but not too much, since I've been avoiding the whole over-thinking-that-leads-me-into-freaking-out thing ever since the year began, - what did make me happy? And what did it mean to me? Before, I knew right then and there what my answer would be. But now, I've realized that I haven't exactly thought about it at all. Perhaps because I was just taken off-guard, y'know? Still, even if I was, anyone who knew me well would think that I do know the answer to that. I mean, I did think that too, considering the fact that I've just finished a #100HappyDays Challenge. Like, c'mon... But I guess I'm just that unpredictable nowadays - which was good, since I've been disliking the fact that people (didn't matter if they knew me well or not) have been assuming things about me and saying things like, "This isn't like you at all." And basically, my answer to that had been this:

    I seriously don't know why that irks me, though - I guess I'm just weird like that. But maybe it's because I just want to be unpredictable at times, y'know? I still want to surprise people, in a good way, of course. And maybe it came from this rebellious side of me where I didn't like being told what to do or what to be - conforming myself into their idea of who I really am and what I really should be - if I'm making any sense, of course? Anyway... That's beside the point now. 
    The thing was, since I haven't given much thought to it, the weeks have progressed and it was only soon that I've discovered my answer - which wasn't literal in a sense that I would give you a specific answer, just as you've probably predicted, since that's just what I'd do like a year ago, by trying to disseminate the answers in a fast and urgent way so I'd know. But nope. It isn't like that at all. Otherwise, I've already made a post where I am freaking out and over-thinking it. Haha! Okay, maybe not. But, I assure you it isn't like that at all because it wasn't until a few weeks later that I've come to realize that the answers have only fallen on my lap just like a box of cake. 
    I do wish that a box of cake falls on my lap very often, though. Preferably a chocolate truffle cake. Haha! 
    But that was just a metaphor. I just tried it out. Whatever. ;P Anyway, I do give you this answer though, that yes, my family and my friends make me very happy whenever I spend time with them, and those are just a given. But what I did realize was that being happy is about feeling the moment when you really are, and cherishing it whenever the time comes. It's not about giving specific answers, or trying to sum it all up into one big word or even a bunch of photos. Being happy starts with being happy with yourself. I know it is easier said than done, I mean, it wasn't until a few months ago that I realized that I was incredibly unhappy when I was freaking out and over analyzing things before. It really does take time and effort, and focusing on ones' self, that we realize things. And after accepting them, that's when we learn, we grow, we become more stable with ourselves...
    And we're happy. 
    I guess that's just what I've learned after a whole year filled with emotional spirals. It all depends though, and it's still a case to case basis. However, I do absolutely think that it is vital for anyone to find something that they are passionate about, and to stick with it. Whatever it is, just do it and stick with it. Because if that makes you happy, then what's stopping you, right? I've come to realize too, that I was the one who was hindering myself to my own potential, and that sucked as hell. I was just having this constant battle with myself, in which you have witnessed so many times before. And right now, I'm only trying to break out of my shell again - with each baby step, nothing too huge to make me want to withdraw back into this so-called "shell" again. And when I said that I was finally getting back into this whole "rhythm" again, I meant that I'm becoming more busy (as you already know) with balancing my time with my family, friends, the choir and errands, that they had been rather therapeutic to bring back my sanity again. After all, that's just what I had been used to doing for so many years now. I guess that's just what I needed, huh? 
    There is no doubt that everyone needs a little push at times to have breakthroughs that nobody ever expects to have at first. And y'know what? All my spirals and over-analyzing wasn't good for nothing at all. It was all worth it... And I do hope this continues, with all the good vibes et al. I also hope that you do continue to grow, too, with me and be "so happy together." :) 

P.S. The title of this post is a song from Wolf Gang, and of course, it is one of my all-time favorites ;) 

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