Zombie

"I'm not listening to you,
I am wandering right through existence.
With no purpose and no drive,
Cause' in the end we're all alive...
Alive."
- Zombie, The Pretty Reckless

   For a while, it seems as though I simply go into this routine. I wake up, go about errands, waste time on the internet, do chores, and go to sleep late. Of course, there are other extras where I spend time with my friends but those only go for several occasions. And the thing is, I am in that continuous, never-ending cycle, that somehow I realized something one night. I found out that it was true - that I am in a major #zombiemode.
   I am like a walking zombie, going about in that cycle almost automatically without as much as a second thought. Although, that was quite impossible, since I may have a few protests here and there, but that was just how I felt. And it seems as though there was something lacking. It was on another night that I truly pondered about it because I was too sleepy on the others, that I simply disregarded it until I had a better time to. And apparently, that moment did come considering that I am writing about it now. 
    You see, I felt as though that there were a few keys that I lacked somehow. Something really was missing. And perhaps it might've been a bit strange for me - almost like an alien feeling - since I was not spending my days thinking or yearning for some kind of opportunity for a certain desire of mine. But with that, I knew I somehow lacked motivation, determination, passion, and inspiration. That I lacked of this drive that I once had before. That this fire within me was slowly depleting, and that it's about to go out. And those were the things that kept me going for these past few years. Those were the things that made me survive. And I do think that it was because of this routine that that was why I felt this way. This realization of what I lacked was not exactly a comforting idea, either.
    I mean, I could state my writing as an example. To tell you the truth, I haven't written in about a month or so. And believe me, I've tried countless of times already, but I just couldn't seem to focus or come up with something - anything, at all. It's frustrating. I haven't even written anything for my novel in months either. And truthfully, I sometimes feel as if I am slowly getting tired of it - of doing it. Perhaps it's just another bad case of writer's block? Perhaps I need a break? Perhaps I just have to dwell back into it - face first - to just push myself and have a breakthrough? As for now, I do not know. It's dreadful, really. Being a zombie that couldn't process much feelings wasn't exactly as appealing as I thought it'd be. But what I do know is that I need a change of pace, starting with adjusting my body clock back to the norm.
   And hopefully, the others will follow through.
   After all, not everything can be fixed overnight. ;)





P.S. That song cannot be any more accurate at the moment, and to think that it's actually one of my all-time favorites from The Pretty Reckless... ;P

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