Sudden Encounters - How Soon Is Now?

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Sudden Encounters

   There may be a certain reason why some people dislike to have sudden encounters with the people they know that they haven't seen for quite sometime. And perhaps that reason is because it makes way for small talk, and they just do not happen to like that. Apparently, I've come to just realize how much I do detest it too, considering how I've had my fair share of them for these past few years.
   I don't know. I guess there's just this certain aspect of it wherein you bump into this person on a day that happens to be not one of your finest. Such as this certain phase in your life where you just happen to think that life bitch slapped you across the face, and somehow, someone comes up and asks you about it - which makes up for the small talk. You answer with a few simple statements, and they ask you more, digging a bit deeper as if they do genuinely want to know what is going in your life. Again, this is when you give a few nods while answering it's fine, and a few more words that'll make up for your simple yet with a tinge of a positive statement. After that dreadful so-called "conversation" both of you say your goodbyes, and you leave with this much dreaded feeling down by the pits of your stomach. Yes, perhaps there are some who are actually genuinely interested, but again, you just never know, so you just happen to ponder about that encounter at the end of the day. 
    It does leave this uncomfortable feeling however - as if there was this bitter taste in your mouth that you just can't get rid of. You somehow couldn't put your finger on it, but apparently, you just realized that this is utter bullshit. Why? Well, because not only do you know how shitty your life is at the moment, and for someone to loudly ask you about it and give you that piteous yet concerned gaze, was definitely as if it was an icing on the cake. You know what's worse, though? It's when they offer a few suggestions, the ones that you've already pondered over countless of times already, glimpsing through the corners for the mere miracles of possibility. 
   There is something worse than that however, and I've just encountered it earlier. 
   It is when they try and make decisions for you, assuming that you would just come on board and say, "Hey, you're absolutely right, so I'm gonna go ahead and do it!" When really, they do not have any idea whatsoever what have already gone on through your mind, or what made you decide the next step that you would do in your life. Apparently, opinions are just thrown into the pond, and they expect you to catch it like a fish, with this great feeling of reward and triumph. No questions asked.
   It is fairly obvious how I am not pleased at the moment of what has transpired. If there was anything that I disliked more than my other pet peeves - if you've already noticed, - then that would be someone telling me what to do, and that someone just assumed that I do not happen to have any clue whatsoever on what I should do. And what was more unnerving was the mere fact that I am actually happy with where I am. I am actually proud of what I've managed to do, because it indicated my insights and made me push myself for my breakthroughs. I've taken a chance upon taking the direction of where I wanted my life to go. Yes, it may have been rather slow, but I am doing it in my own time and in my own terms, and basically, this is what I'd very much like to do. This is my passion. My dream - as cliched as that may have sounded, but nevertheless, true
   I am finally in this place where I feel deeply comfortable enough to break away from my shell. Yet after that encounter, that peace within me slightly faded. I've tried to not lose my shit altogether as I've done countless of times before, and I've been doing well until now. It made me perturbed. That small talk made me doubt myself yet again, wavering that peace for a moment or two, and I feel this grave vex and disappointment over it. Usually, I do ignore naysayers, but that did hit me right in the bulls-eye. And no, it was definitely not pleasant. 
   Perhaps there is such thing as small talk out there wherein we do not feel uncomfortable or do not feel this sinking ship down into the depths of our stomachs. And yes, I actually do believe that there is out there... I just haven't encountered it yet. Hopefully, I will encounter more pleasant ones in the near future, specifically the ones that do not make me feel like utter crap.

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