Chemistry


   Sometimes I get the strangest revelations that only pops in my mind randomly - other than the fact that I get asked the most absurd questions, and I never figured out why and how people could actually come to try and know. I do appreciate however, that they do ask it straight towards me to hear it come out of me. But anyway, as I was saying about such "strange revelations," the thing is I never actually considered myself as a romantic. In fact, the thought of all the cliched, sappy crap, seems to be quite repulsive. All the flowers and stuffed animals, and even the balloons?
   Blech.
   Horrible.
   Horrendous.
   Disaster.
   Toss it someplace else - immediately.
   Though, of course, I don't judge those girls who likes - slash - loves all of those. It is their matter of preference after all, just as how I'm expressing mine right in this moment. Perhaps I just never understood the fascination, not because I haven't received any of those (someone gave me a rose before, and I made my best friend take it home; I didn't want it at all) but because I feel like gifts and whatnot wouldn't simply make anyone win over my heart.
   At least, not that easily.
   The grand gestures of those like what they do in romantic-comedy films - that I do love watching, mind you, only gives off a rather comical impression on me if it happens in real life. See how cynical I can be? Lol. I just never thought it was "swoon-worthy" in reality. Alright, now I realize how I seem to appear or sound like a cold-hearted bitch who's never been in love or was heartbroken because she got friendzoned too many times. Trust me, I'm not - especially not now.
   But you'll never know. ;)
   Nevertheless, since I have opened myself up to such prospect, I've found that considering as how I've never thought of myself as such, I realized that perhaps I am a low-key romantic after all. How did I come to that conclusion, you ask? Well apparently, it's not something that I've thought of in five minutes as I sit here at FullyBooked, scribbling this draft that would soon likely be a blog post (which it is now, as you read this). But it did take a few weeks of re-watching episodes of Sex And The City and shipping Mr. Big and Carrie with two bottles of wine (on two separate occasions, mind you), while I played Henry Mancini's "Moon River" vinyl on the record player. Of course, I did watch that episode before Big moved to California, and he played that song while he and Carrie slow danced in his empty living room.
   If you don't think that's romantic, I don't know what is.

Carrie and Mr. Big in Sex And The City, Season 4, episode 18.
   So after all of that, there it was...
   That revelation of me being a romantic, but emphasis on the "low-key" (I'd never straight up admit it; I'm fucked up that way). I mean, I do swoon when my characters get together or end up together (i.e. Carrie & Big, Delena, Blair & Chuck, Swarkles, Chandler & Monica, Jackie & Hyde, Schmece). In fact, I'm all the more thrilled with a couple's chemistry - the push and pull, the magnetic force, the witty and sarcastic banters, and the frustrating flaws of each character that makes them oh so interesting, unpredictable, and not utterly dull. And I realized that all these years of shipping relationships on television shows with that kind of dynamic has made me want the same thing. Is it an impossible fairytale that only exists in films and television series? Well, it could be, but not necessarily. I actually think that it's the most viable kind of dynamic one could ever wish for. Or perhaps it's just me and my never-ending story writing that makes me think or wish that way, since that is the kind of dynamic I write for my Fan Fiction.
   But I guess one just have to find the right one to have that kind of chemistry.
   And perhaps I've already found them, but again, you'll never know. ;)
   I just think that it's the simple things that make me swoon. The smallest things that one would consider completely unnecessary, like random phone calls telling me that something reminded them of me or just to talk to me and tell me how their day went, or just chilling at some bookstore whilst having a meaningful conversation, or taking a walk under the inky black skies, knowing the very core of who one is and what makes them who they are. Mundane as they may be, I find that it's something that I'd actually find appealing.


   Before, I've always had this perception that I'd want to go to fancy places, all dressed up with all the glitz and the glam - which I'm all down for, if such circumstances arise. But now, I find them all unnecessary. In fact, if one simply wooed me by showering me with gifts and exerting so much effort to please me, I would think that they're being manipulative - that they do all of those to blind me into simply "bagging" me just as they had wanted. And apparently, I have such strong distaste for tackiness that I dismiss them right then and there, other than the fact that I could easily see and read through one's intentions most of the time. I refuse to yield all so easily, of course. Now again, some girls do like that, but it's not just something that I prefer. It feels all wrong, at least for me.
   You know what I will accept, though?
   Chocolates.
   And simple gestures to remind me of how much they care about me.
   But remember: No flowers.
   And no over-the-top, sappy shit. Otherwise, I'd simply laugh at them or make a sarcastic joke in the process. Just a fair warning, of course, considering as it is a case-to-case basis, and all of the things I've mentioned above wouldn't guarantee one a ticket to the very core of my heart.
   It'll sure as hell take a lot more than those.


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