Every June

Something to cheer us all up, courtesy of Chandler Bing. lol
   Let me just throw it out there: I'm complicated. 
   If you've been reading this blog for quite some time now, you would've already concluded that right then and there. I could ramble on and on about my pondering and random realizations, trying to make a point by still being rather vague and completely unspecific about certain things, but you know that I'd eventually hit home-run and you guys would understand where I'm coming from.
   This isn't something that'll change, apparently.
   After all, I could tell you one thing and still be able to think about other perspectives around the edges, and tell you that everything is relative. It's as if I could always think of loopholes just to confuse the living shit out of you but still make sense at the end. Obviously, that just made me sum up my personality type to you (greetings from an INTJ).
   But believe it or not, I am quite happy with how my life is going despite outside and inner complications. For some reason, the first part of the year is always the hardest, considering as how I feel that they're far more dull and uneventful, while the other half of the year is when things start to pick up, and I'd find it more exhilarating and motivating. I don't know why, but it's something that I've just randomly thought of and noticed before, I've just never spoken about it until now. After all, the same thing is happening and is starting to unfold - just when June is right around the corner. Perhaps it isn't a coincidence... Perhaps I should start celebrating the New Year by the second half of the year? Lol.
   Yup, just cracked myself up right there. 
   Though, quite plausible.
   I'm just surprised by certain circumstances that rose recently. I'm not saying that everything had been all sunshines and rainbows, because obviously, they have not. In fact, there were more than a few gloomy days, and being stuck in a desert along the way this year, but they're all quite overshadowed by said sunshines and rainbows. I consider myself rather fortunate, as should everyone else should. But now, I don't know, I just feel quite elated - especially when the things I finally want to do are starting to become more viable. For a long time, I have dreaded of being so lost and clueless as to what I should do and what move I should make - all while knowing what I really want to do but such predicament I was under did not allow me to. Now though, the tables have turned, and it gave me hope.
   It's fueling the fire again that was slowly dwindling deep within me.
   And perhaps before I also had faults of my own, which I admit so, but now I'm not going to let this slip from my hands. Perhaps I've lost my edge, my aggressiveness and determination, but it's all just a state of mind anyway. I wouldn't waste any more time. I wouldn't listen to shitty opinions. And I certainly wouldn't let anyone stop me - not even myself.
   If there was one thing I've realized all this time, it's that I'm stronger than I think.
   I can fucking do this.
   I just needed to remember that, and who the fuck I am.

*P.S. Title is from one of my favorite songs by the Australian band, My Fiction

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