Bonne Année! 2017: Year Ender

December 31, 2016
5:30 PM

    How time flies, doesn't it?
    In a few short hours, the year will finally end, and another one begins. So I think, it's about time I write a personal post to reflect upon what this year has brought for me. After all, I wasn't able to make a Christmas post...
    I must say though, that it was a rocky start. There were a lot of challenges, moments of struggles - the push and pull - and frustrations and standstills. All of which was worth it because they pushed me to want something more; to fight for what I want, and not settle for anything less. It took a while, in fact, quite a long time, but I must say that I'm getting there, and it was definitely a step forward.
   Nearing the end of my job for the first few months of the year, had made me feel lost as to what might come next for me. I certainly didn't like my job, but I never tried to complain. It was only when I realized how much I didn't like it - and that I was only doing it for my mother, to prove some kind of point (that she was wrong, and indeed, she was), that I started feeling like it was such a drag. Yes, it was easy, it was rather menial, but the part that made it such a struggle was the expectation from her and how she was pushing me to something I know I didn't like, won't be good at, or have any passion for. Somehow, I knew that I had to prove something not to just to her, but to myself as well, that I could really do it.
   And I did.
   Yet, I was terribly unhappy.
   For myself however, I considered it as another breakthrough.
   A standstill came by soon afterwards, and it made me formulate some kind of concrete plan because apparently, the initial one I had was ruined. The error there, I realized, was the fact that I didn't prepare a second one, but oh well, another lesson learned. Unfortunately however, a lot of hindrances came upon me again, which led me to feeling as though I was back to where I started. It was dreadful. I didn't know what to do, where to go, what would happen next; it was all a big blur, even if all this time, I knew exactly what I wanted. But it seemed as though I was living my life up to somebody else's expectations just to please everyone.
   It's a kind of life I cannot live anymore.
   I realized that I can't keep trying to please everyone, especially the people who are closest to me. Yes, it might be out of love and all, which is why I do so. But all this time, for the past four years, it led me nowhere. Listening to what they want, and doing what they want, only made myself sink deeper into this dark pit of obscurity, that I had to scratch and claw my way out of every single time. And although it seemed quite selfish, but I also realized (or at least someone made me realize) that it's okay to focus on myself and think of myself every once in a while. To push for what I want and live my own life. I am in fact, growing up after all. And I need to start somewhere at some point.
    It wasn't until the second half of the year that things began to pick up, as I've mentioned before. I finally took that short course I've always wanted to, as a step forward into the direction that I want my life - or my career - to go to. It was rather unexpected, but I couldn't be any more grateful to finally be blessed with the opportunity and to be able to make it happen. I was also blessed to have met these amazing new people that I can call friends. And sure, this might be one of the things that I was also thankful for last year, but I also met someone very special, who remains to be my side and my rock through thick and thin, despite how crazy I get (You know who you are; you've been so wonderful). It was vital that I knew someone would be there for me, to catch me when I fall even if I know how stubborn and irrational I can be at times. And of course, I'm also fortunate to have my best of friends who will always be there for me (at least, I hope so) along with my family, forever and always!
    2016 might have been a year filled with breakthroughs and transitions in every aspect of my life, so much so, that I'm actually proud to have pushed myself to do some adulting (lol). And as 2017 is fast approaching us, I can only hope for more breakthroughs, more happiness, more love, more opportunities and more success! It certainly has been a roller-coaster ride, but now, the new ride begins and there will be more ups and downs along the way. I sure hope we'll be able to survive it all with much vigor and enthusiasm to face it head on.
   I leave this year a better person than I was, and it was all because of Capital H-I-M who have blessed me with so much more than I have ever imagined. So goodbye 2016, and hello you sweet, sweet 2017.
   I wish you all a very Happy New Year!

P.S. I was supposed to post this that evening, but apparently, the festivities for New Year's Eve got the best of me, lol. Nevertheless, here it is. I cannot wait for what's in store for this new year, and so far, it's been wonderful. I hope you all had a great start! ;)  ~  xoxo, M

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