New Chapter - How Soon Is Now?

Saturday, March 4, 2017

New Chapter

My girls ♥
(L-R: Andy, Ina, Merylle, Kim, and me)
   The last few weeks of February had me in a frenzy.
   I was about to face my assessment after numerous cancellations, which led me into having a shitty week. So instead, I immersed myself into baking those last few weekends so as to keep my mind elsewhere, other than the fact that I truly missed it. Then the next, it was make or break time, and that week turned out to be better than I expected.
   Needless to say, I passed my blasted assessment, after it finally pushed through!
   And oh, it was hell. The time pressure was brutal; no damn break time whatsoever, but in the end, it was all worth it! As far as there were a few pain in the asses here and there, I'm just glad I was able to experience this and consider this as another breakthrough. Plus, I'm glad that my short course is finally nearing to its end. I just have this one last project, then I'm done.
   Nevertheless, I truly enjoyed my stay at TESDA for that short vocational course. I was only supposed to be there for three and a half months, but apparently, most of us extended until five or six months! Not that I'm complaining, of course. We really went into the knit and grit of the whole craft, and was able to learn a lot. I couldn't be any happier that finally, I can officially say that I know how to sew and actually make my own clothes! Or at least try to. So far, it's been going well, and truth be told, I have a few projects of my own that I'm planning to create - only for myself at this time, though, considering I'm still trying to get the hang of it. But along the way, I was also able to meet these amazing women who I've gained as friends that I know will be for life! If it wasn't for them, my stay there wouldn't have been as enjoyable and as fun as it would have been. And as much as I would miss seeing my girls, I definitely can't wait to see them (us) kick ass in life! :)
   Yet, where celebrations are concerned and should be in order, I couldn't help but feel this pressure within me. I know, I know. I'm just subjecting myself and my standards to this kind of thing, but now that this is nearly over and done with, it definitely means only one thing: it's time to move forward. And no, it doesn't necessarily feel like I'm right back to where I started, but that doesn't mean that I don't feel any more lost like I have always been. And really, that's all the root of my frustration for these past couple of days. Not to mention, the outside forces or circumstances that add to my own pressure. I'm trying to figure it all out, yet instead, I only end up feeling hopeless. It's such a drag, really; not knowing how to get my shit together.
   But shouldn't I get used to that by now?
   I guess I'll just have to be more patient and persistent. I know that I have to look at this more positively; not as the end of a book, but a beginning of a new chapter in my life. I do have faith and trust that everything will all work out well. At least, I hope so. No matter how lowkey terrified and lost I am, I should also have more faith in myself that I can really do this. That I have this massive potential that everyone seems to see within me, yet myself couldn't see. I should just stop immersing myself into my own self-doubt, otherwise it'd be my own downfall.
   And I refuse to let myself be the one thing that holds me down.

No comments:

Post a Comment