Confidently Lost

- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex And The City Season 5, Episode 6
   I dragged myself out of bed today.
   This week had been full of extreme highs and lows, that mostly, I'm more frustrated with the lows. In truth, I should be celebrating. I should be tittering on my toes, filled with excitement and joy over the good news. But meh. Here I am, still dreading over things that I've been dreading for for the past couple of weeks. It's like a dark cloud looming over my head. And although, I want to get out of this constant toxicity, it's easier said than done.
   It's like a dark pit of obscurity.
   I think I need to breathe. Perhaps escape for a while. I feel stuck. I feel like I'm suffocating. Irritable. Frustrated. And my overthinking is not doing me any good. I need a change of scenery. Be with good energy. And try my best not to spread the toxic I've been obtaining and feeling, like some horrible epidemic. I've been trying though, even if I don't think I've been successful, and I apologize for my nasty temper or glum mood lately.
   Instead, when I woke up earlier today - other than cherishing the deep slumber that I've been lacking lately - I decided to seek solitude over re-reading a book I've read and have been trying to collect for the past five years. One of them, at least. I was able to finally complete the trilogy a few years ago, but I hardly remember any of the events that occurred in the book. So I decided to re-read the previous two, before finally going on to reading the much awaited third book. Anyway, there I was, and at some point, I figured that I was slowly diving into my hermit state. As much as I'd like to decompress, I knew that it wouldn't do me any good today.
   In fact, it hadn't been doing me good this week either.
   Now that I'm back home, sipping on this hot lemon tea for my sore throat, getting out seemed to have helped. I didn't want to be stuck in this morose and dismal mood. At least, not anymore. It would be idiotic of me to keep turning my head over the past; flashbacking at that point in my life where I had been terribly unhappy, in fear that it might be happening again. I have things to focus on - much better things. It would also be idiotic of me to not notice and be grateful for that. And I am grateful for the people who are there for me, too - always willing to help me and support me, no matter what or how crazy I get either.
   I just need to put things in perspective...
   And to clear my head from all the naysayings.



P.S. Considering as how I'm obsessing over Sabrina Claudio's "Confidently Lost EP," I figured that it was the perfect post title, as an indication and a reminder to myself to keep moving forward.

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