Disconnected - How Soon Is Now?

Monday, November 13, 2017


   I've been feeling more and more disconnected lately, as I dwell deeper into doing work. And considering that that's all that's been happening in my life - at least eighty-five percent of my time, other than the personal stuff - that's all I could ever talk about, like word vomit. And although, I'm sure that not everyone I talk to would looove to talk about their work, apparently, neither do I. But again, since it's like word vomit, it's all I really could ever talk about.
   Maybe all I ever know to talk about lately...
   Thus, I'd like to apologize to all those people who has to endure that long and predictably boring conversation with me.
   I'll try and stop, I promise.
   Now, the reason why I've brought that up, was because I've been contemplating why I feel so disconnected, particularly with my friends. Don't get me wrong, I've constantly connected with them and hung out with them, but at the end of the day, I still feel that disconnect. It was as if I was experiencing "FOMO" without actually anything happening. So I've reflected inwardly whether the problem lied within me, and maybe I wasn't trying hard enough.
   Yet, there was this juxtaposition.
   I also felt like I couldn't force myself upon them... And perhaps, I shouldn't.
   It's ridiculous, I know. 
   So like any other anxious human being, I withdraw myself even more and be more like the hermit that I really am. It's surely not a good thing, but perhaps I need to replenish first before I go out of my shell again. I just felt like I've missed so much and I'm missing so much that everyone's just used to me not being around. It's not like it isn't partly my fault though, considering as I am the hermit that I am, I do have this unconscious tendency to push people away other than external factors that contribute in being so.
   The sad thing is, I can't help but think that maybe this is what happens when growing up. Everyone's busy doing their own thing, and never really having any time to catch-up. Or we do, but I could just never relate to the pop culture of today. I certainly feel like - and have always felt like - I live a different life, and the old soul in me has always been there. I know I could try and catch up, but y'know, I just never did, haha.
   I want to feel more connected. More in tune of what's happening in all my loved ones' lives. And I want to try harder to do so...
   But here's the question: Where should I start?

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