Dejected - How Soon Is Now?

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Dejected

I'm slowly slipping into self-preservation. I should be getting in the holiday spirit, but I know that a part of me isn't really in it. That part only feels dejected and confused, which doesn't really go well with this whole supposed "festive" mood. Every time I think about, I just sigh and have this craving to just go back to bed and shut everything and everyone out. But I know I shouldn't be sulking. I should be enjoying this time with the people I love. Yet, that's somehow ironic. I don't want to get dramatic, but it's circumstances like these that I have a certain tendency to withdraw. And then, the caprice to go back into this tiny little shell makes it seem that it can be absolutely appealing. I want to be alone and to be left alone. I no longer want to subject myself out to civilization. I can't do that now, of course. Not on this holiday when I'm supposed to push my introverted self out to all the social hubbub I can muster. So for now, I'll just pretend to be what I need to pretend to be - to be excitable of all these festivities with all the social shit that go into it. Apparently, this is what "adulting" is supposed to be like. And at this point, I'll have to say that it sucks.

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